TV Reality...

When Mia's mom, Jenn (welcome to the blog, Jenn) was still pregnant with Lucy this summer, Mia and I would often go out on excursions during the day...in part to keep Mia busy and in part to keep Jenn sane.

One morning, Jenn casually mentioned that she had enrolled Mia in a music class, and that we could go to that, if I didn't mind. And why should I mind? I'd taken Mia to storytime at the library several times before and that was always fun...

Well...once I arrived at Music Class, I quickly realized that there were several things which Jenn had forgotten to mention...things which I have yet to forgive her for.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Mia and I happily embarked on our journey that day. When we arrived at the class, I was immediately greeted by a petite woman named Greta. My first impression was that she was very kind and somewhat eccentric. The second thing that struck me was that she wasn't really talking...she was singing.

"Oh, hello Mia! And who's this?!"
"...Hi, I'm Brooks"
"Brooke?"
"...Brooks"
"Oh, hello Brooke!"

Forget it.

Mia and I settled in and chose a couple of the colorful matts that were arranged in a circle on the floor. As we waited for the other people to trickle in and take their spots on the floor, I did my best not to laugh as I watched Ms. Greta sing her introductions to these people. I mean, are you kidding me?

The class finally began with Ms. Greta taking out her guitar and asking the children to say hello to it. Then she started singing...

"Hello, I'm Greta, I'm glad to see you,"
and the class responded, "Hello, to Greta, we're glad to see you too!"

Easy enough.

I then watched in horror as each mother took her turn around the circle...

"Hello, I'm Becky, I'm glad to see you,"
"Hello, to Becky, we're glad to see you too!"

No. Effing. Way.

Look, I didn't like doing a solo in the 4th Grade Chorus Christmas Concert, and I don't like it now. The anxiety built in chest as the song got closer and closer to me in the circle {cue the music from "Jaws"} and as I croaked out,

"Hello, I'm Brooks, I'm glad to see you,"

what I was thinking was, "You're a dead woman, Jenn."

I survived the introductions, but there was so much more to come.

First of all, there is a CD that accompanies this class, a CD which I knew nothing about. So all of the mothers there knew all of the words to these songs, and I didn't know a damn thing. Mia knew more of the words than I did. And it's not a big class...and Ms. Greta is looking at me like I'm an idiot who can't sing a simple children's song.

Of course this was nothing compared to when she broke out the scarves. Keep in mind that the oldest child in this class is 2...so really what you have is a bunch of adults dancing around the room twirling scarves.

Now, it's possible that you've gleaned from my writing that I am somewhat of a cynic...you should also know that I am not a good sport when it comes to this stuff...so you have to picture me dancing around half-heartedly with scarves (not singing because, of course, I don't know the words) with a look of disgust on my face.

There are also people who feel compelled to bring their infants to a music class...

Like it's not enough that Ms. Greta wants us to let the 2 year olds express themselves, so we're not allowed to tell them to sit down and be quiet, but instead let them run around screaming while she goes on singing...

But then halfway through a song one of the babies would make a noise (like all babies do) and she would stop, point to the baby and sing in a monotone voice,

"Good job, Annie, that's a nice resting tooooooone..."

I'm sure the first time I witnessed this I just looked around incredulously...

Is this woman for real?

Now I will say that Mia loves Music Class, and Ms. Greta. And who knows, maybe the babies really are picking up nice resting tones in her songs...

But like I said, I'm not a good sport.

I decided to tell you this story now because my brother, Paul, (welcome to the blog, Paul) called me in hysterics one night after watching an episode of Modern Family on ABC. The homosexual couple on the show who have adopted a baby girl took her to a music class...and Paul assures me that it is true to my description of Music Class, in all of it's absurd hilarity.

So to all of you who watched that episode and thought it was an exaggeration or even complete fiction...I'm here to tell you,

that shit is real.

The Chewy Fairy

Mia was visited by the Chewy Fairy this week...

Mia's dad is from Colombia, so for those of you who are wondering...Mia's chewy is her pacifier, short for chupon.

For all you mothers out there, this is a brilliant idea...seroiusly, Elf on the Shelf, Shmelf on the Shelf. (and you all know how much I love Tyroney)

So, The Chewy Fairy.

The idea is that one morning when they wake up, there is a pretty box in their bedroom from the Chewy Fairy. That night, they have to leave their chewy in the box, the Chewy Fairy will come back, leave something special for them (ideally something that they can take with them to bed instead of the chewy,) and then take their chewy and give it to a little baby somewhere who needs it.

Genius, right?

We started laying the groundwork a month or so ago...

"Brooksie, I heard the Chewy Fairy came to see a little girl down the street last night..."
"Really? Wow, I didn't think she made trips down here this time of year..."

...

"...What's the Chewy Fairy?"

Bingo.

At first she was pretty excited about the idea...or so we thought.

"Brooksie, the Chewy Fairy is going to come see me soon!"
"Really? What do you think she's going to bring you?"
"...maybe a really big chewy!"

...not the right idea.

But as time went on, she started to get used to the idea, and so the other morning...the box made it's appearance. When I walked in that morning I was almost tackled to the ground by a very excited 2 year old.

"BROOKSIE! THE CHEWY FAIRY CAME LAST NIGHT!!!!!"

I was staying with Lucy that morning, so after Mia and her mom left for school, I went up to see the Chewy Box. There was a note on top...

Dear Little Mia,

Please leave your chewy in this box tonight before you go to sleep.
Now that you are a big girl, I am going to take your chewy and give it to a little baby who needs it.
I will come back tonight to get it, and I will leave you something special.

Sweet dreams,
The Chewy Fairy

Okay, yes...I cried a little.

The next morning, at 8 a.m., I got a phone call from that same very excited little 2 year old...

Her chewy was gone, and in it's place, a Glow Worm and a Hello Kitty blanket...

I really can't believe how much she's grown the last few months. Not only is she so much taller, but now she says things like,

"Okay Brooksie, you give Lucy Loo a bath, and in the meantime I'll sit over here and color..."

In the meantime? You're two years old...

And now she doesn't have a chewy...and she's not sad about it.

"Brooksie, I don't need my chewy...I'm a big girl."

The least she could do is pretend...


So...Santa, the Elf on the Shelf, the Toothfairy, Easter Bunny...and the Chewy Fairy.

If we come up with any more mythical figures to make our lives easier, you'll be the first to hear about it.